By Charity Cousin, Certified Community Recovery Partner
Recovery is hard—period. But parenting while in recovery adds a layer that’s difficult to explain unless you’ve lived it. Parenting in recovery looks different for everyone, but many parents share the same questions: Am I doing enough? Am I present enough? Am I causing harm? It’s not just about healing yourself; it’s about trying to heal while still showing up for little people who depend on you.
I became a parent at a young age, and “mom guilt” followed me early on. The shame I carried as a young parent shaped how I saw myself for years. When addiction entered my life, that shame only deepened. There was a time when I truly believed that my struggles meant I had already failed my children.
I didn’t say that out loud. I carried it quietly.
That belief showed up as overcompensating, exhaustion, and a constant fear that I was somehow “damaging” my kids. Recovery didn’t make those feelings disappear—but it did give me something I didn’t have before: awareness. The ability to pause, reflect, and choose how I respond instead of reacting from guilt or fear.
In my addiction, I thought “showing up” meant doing more—buying more, giving more, proving more. If it existed, I bought it. I believed providing things could make up for what I couldn’t give emotionally.
That belief changed after a conversation with my eldest child—one that still stays with me. He told me, “Mom, I know you think buying these things is important, but all I really wanted was for you to play board games with me, take me to the park, or go to the movies. I just wanted you.”
As a young, single parent, that truth was hard to hear. I wasn’t always physically gone—but emotionally, I often was. That moment reshaped how I understand presence.
For many parents in recovery, learning emotional regulation is just as important as addressing substance use—it’s what helps rebuild trust, safety, and connection at home.
Parenting in recovery isn’t about becoming a perfect parent.
It’s about becoming a present one.
One of the hardest lessons recovery has taught me is that I don’t have to make up for the past by being everything all the time. As a single parent navigating loss, I felt like I had to carry every role, every responsibility, perfectly.
That mindset nearly broke me.
What my kids needed wasn’t perfection. They needed consistency. They needed honesty. They needed safety. They needed me regulated enough to respond instead of react.
Recovery taught me that repair matters more than perfection. When I mess up—and I still do—I say it out loud. I apologize. I show my kids that accountability and humility are strengths, not failures.
Many of us in recovery are still untangling negative self-talk, shame, and “what if” thinking. Transparency helps interrupt that cycle. Not oversharing—but honest, human connection.
Recovery has a way of opening old wounds. Wounds I didn’t even realize were shaping how I parented. Sometimes my child’s emotions trigger my own unresolved pain or self-doubt.
The difference now is awareness.
Instead of spiraling into shame, I remind myself: This is a moment, not a verdict. I pause. I breathe. Sometimes I choose to revisit a situation later—when I’m calmer and clearer.
Emotional regulation has become one of the most important tools I use as a parent in recovery. I don’t need all the answers. I just need to stay connected—to myself and to my kids.
I grew up with half-truths, so honesty matters deeply to me. That doesn’t mean sharing everything—it means sharing what’s appropriate and truthful.
I tell my kids that I’m working on being healthier, calmer, and more present. I don’t lie, but I don’t overshare. And more importantly, I let my actions speak.
Recovery allows me to model growth in real time. My kids don’t need a perfect story. They need a real one.
Letting our kids see our humanity gives them permission to embrace their own.
Even now, my kids ask questions I don’t have answers to. When I say “I don’t know,” they’re surprised. But I remember the moment I realized my own mother didn’t know everything either—and how that realization allowed me to extend her grace.
Recovery has taught me that I’m allowed to have needs. I’m allowed to rest. I’m allowed to ask for help.
Parenting doesn’t require losing ourselves. Taking care of myself isn’t something I do instead of parenting—it’s something I do so that I can parent.
When I care for my mental health, I show my kids what boundaries, self-respect, and emotional awareness look like in real life.
If you’re parenting while in recovery, please hear this:
You are not your past.
You are not your mistakes.
You are not broken.
And you are not failing—you’re learning.
Every day you choose recovery, you are choosing your children, even when it doesn’t feel like enough. Showing up imperfectly, consistently, and honestly matters more than getting it right all the time.
Recovery didn’t make me a perfect parent.
It made me a present one.
And that has made all the difference—for my kids, and for me. What does ‘being present’ look like for you today?
Not perfectly—just honestly.
Parenting in recovery can feel heavy at times, and having the right support matters. Eleanor Health offers compassionate, whole-person care for members, which may include peer support services as a part of treatment, depending on insurance eligibility and location. Our care teams work with you to understand your options and help you find support that fits your needs, without judgement. Becoming a member starts with a simple conversation to explore your needs, insurance coverage, and care options. Call or schedule online to get started.
